Londyn Paige and Livia Grace: ~A Glimpse of 2009~

2009 has been a life changing year for me. This is the year I became a mother. I have always known that I was born to be a mother, but I never imagined what it would be like. It is unbelievable how you can love someone so deeply and unselfishly. I have learned so much about my self this year. I have learned that I am strong, weak, patient, impatient, flexible, routined, and many other things. Most importantly, I have learned how to be a mother and a wife (because when you have a baby - this role changes). Thank you for being on this journey with our family.

As you all know, Londyn & Livia came into this world a little early and a little differently than most babies. They did not begin their life in my arms or in our home. We spent 27 days in the NICU. Londyn came home four days before Livia. This experience is the hardest thing we have ever endured. Unless you have gone through this, you can't imagine not bringing your children home with you and learning the daily routines and trials and tribulations of late night feedings and crying. Instead, you worry about why they are hooked up to so many tubes, why do they need to do x-ray on their intestines, you are informed that she may need a blood transfusion before she leaves, they just aren't feeding well, they keep loosing weight, she is having lots of bradys or apnea episodes. You have an hour with your baby, then she needs to rest, find something to do for 2 hours and then come back. You are told that we are just "watching her" what does that mean? Taking one step forward two steps back. At the end of the day, you ride the elevator down to the first floor walk to your car and drive home -in tears. Praying so hard, please let them be okay, please. Then there are days when they take a full feeding, are taken off oxygen, have poops, moved into the same room with each other, then the same bed, they are regulating their own body heat, they get to take a bath, no apnea episodes, we are taking the feeding tubes out, we are removing the pic line, get their room ready - it's time to prepare for their checkout. Finally getting to take those horrible hospital pictures - 25 days after they were born, car seat checks, and then the checkout meeting. It is an emotional rolled coaster and something I never thought I would experience. When I look back at our time their, I can honestly say I was numb - going through each motion just to get to the next day. So as 2009 has been the absolute BEST year of my life, it was also very challenging and emotional. We are so thankful for our babies and they have amazed us, they are strong! I love them so much and I know they love me too.

Thank you God for this year, for these babies, and for the new person that I am. I am forever blessed because of you and your gifts!

That my heart may sing to You and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give You thanks forever.

~Psalm 30:12

It all began in the belly...