Day Four: Thursday April 30, 2009
I honestly don't remember many details of this day. Until the chaos of my true labor began. I do know that I was given breatheen as much as allowed and that was safe for you. Daddy had to go to work today and Mimi, Memaw, and Trudy and I sat in the hospital room all day. We watched T.V. and I dozed in and out of sleep. I think at this point we all knew you were about ready to meet your mommy & daddy.
I do remember around midnight, my nurse Stephanie (who was probably about 21, she seemed so young) came in and told me that they were having a code red. What's this? Oh, just a little tornado alarm. I was informed that they might need to push me out into the hall in order to keep me better protected from the weather. I remember telling Allen, really... is there that much of a difference in the hall than in here? Well, instead of being moved into the hall, I went into full fledged labor.
Day Five: May 1, 2009:
Your Arrival
It was around 2:30 a.m. and my contractions were intense, and that is an understatement. Daddy stood next to me, on my left side holding my hand. I would squeeze his hand, get through the contraction and say, "Allen, it hurts so bad!" He would apologize, and he would look at me with helpless eyes, I could tell that he wanted to take the pain away. After about 6 or 7 sets of those intense contractions, Stephanie (my nurse) came in and asked, "Are you feeling those?" Yes, I simply stated. She shut the door and walked out. After what felt to be hours later, probably 15 minutes, she came back into my room and said... "Dr. Kallenberger wants me to check you."
(This picture was taken on Day 1)
So, she did. After "checking me" I remember her frantically opening the door and shouting for another nurse, she checked me, and then a third nurse checked me. Yes, three nurses. Stephanie looked at me and said, "You are dilated to a 10 and fully effaced." For those of you who haven't had a baby, they were about to fall out of me... not really, but kind of. This should explain the pain.
She called Dr. K, he said to get ready to have those babies. Allen made the calls and everyone was on their way. At this point, I think it was about 3:45 a.m.
I remember that everything was happening so quickly and I did not even have time to feel scared about the labor. I remember feeling guilty because I did not make it to 34 weeks, I wanted to do this for you so badly. I knew that if we made it that far our chances of bringing you home were so much higher. I desperately wanted to coddle you both in my arms. I wanted to learn your every move and every cry and be the one and only person you depended on. Selfish, I know but this is what I felt. I, your mom, carried you in my belly for 7 months and I could not bare the thought of having you away from me, not even for a moment.
The anesthesiologist came in and gave me my epidural. Throughout my pregnancy this was my biggest fear. I honestly did not feel a thing. I truly think that my body had become numb to the prick of a needle.
Your family began to arrive. Each person looked as if they had just walked out of their bed and into my hospital room. They were so eager to meet you, hold, you, hear you, and love you. Memaw called and started a prayer chain. Londyn and Livia, if you knew the amount of prayers that were prayed for your safe arrival, you would be amazed. In the womb, you were already so loved.
The NICU team entered the room. Six nurses, 5 females, one male, two baby beds beds, oxygen tanks, and many other things unknown to me. Memaw sat on the couch, Daddy at my head, holding my hand, and mimi at my knees, holding my left knee back.
On the other side of my door and in the hall were your family and friends. In my memory this is a beautiful picture. There were 10 to 15 people out there, listening for your cry, anxiously anticipating any news, praying for your arrival. I know, that they were scared and unsure of what was to come. But they had faith.
Among the people outside the door stood Dr. K, he waited for his cue to enter. My water never broke and therefor, Stephanie had to break my water. She informed me to start pushing. With my eyes closed, I pushed, over and over and over again. Nothing. The NICU nurse, Nancy, (who was amazing) turned around grabbed my right hand and knee and talked me through the pushing process. We began to make some progress. She was my saving grace.
Dr. K walked in, coffee in one hand and his hair a mess. He said, calmly, "okay let's go!" again, I pushed and pushed and pushed. He stated, "Natalie, look at me!" I opened my eyes, wider than I thought possible and listened. He said, and I quote. "I need you to push, like you haven't pooped in a year!" And, I did.
4:55 a.m.
Londyn, you cried. I heard you cry.
Dr. K stated, "This one is going home." I quickly blurted out, Is she okay, is she okay? I was instructed to push again.
I did.
4:57 a.m.
Livia you cried. I heard you cry.
Again, I blurted, "Is she she okay?!?
They quickly began examining you both.
Londyn Paige you weighed 3lbs. 14oz.
You were beautiful.
Livia Grace you weighed 3lbs. 8oz.
You were beautiful.
Londyn your apgar was a 9 and Livia yours was an 8. You did great!
Livia, you began to show some distress in breathing so they hooked you up to oxygen and within 5 minutes you and your sister were out of my sight. You and Londyn and your daddy were headed to the NICU. While this took place, Dr. K was stitching me up.
To this day, I am not sure what was going on in the NICU. I am told you were being admitted and hooked up and they were going through standard procedures to ensure that you were stable, healthy and in a womb like environment. It was time for you to finish growing.
As I laid in my room, I laid there alone. I closed my eyes and prayed to my gracious God. I asked him to hold you when I couldn't and to help you feel my love through him. I thanked him and begged him to take care of you. I asked him for faith and to give me strength that I did not think I had. I told him I loved him and asked him to not allow me to be angry with him if this journey we were about to begin was hard. I trusted him and prayed for you. I laid in that bed, helplessly and I silently prayed this over and over and over again until I fell asleep. This is a prayer that I prayed everyday until you were both home. And then I had many more new things to pray for.
God listened and in his time, he answered every one of my prayers.
He took me and daddy on an unbelievable ride. He rocked my world, literally. I sat in that NICU room with you both everyday, all day, for 30 days. I loved you and longed for you more and more each day. Not one day went by that I did not sob for you. Everyday I fell more in love with you.
Londyn and Livia, you have changed my life. You make me better. I love you in a way I have never loved before. I promise to love you everyday for the rest of my life. Thank you God for choosing me to be the mother of your sweet baby girls. You chose me for them, and I am forever grateful. You are so good.
Happy 1st Birthday!!!
I will post their Birthday Celebration soon...
Stay Tuned!!!
I love you all, thank you for reading and following our journey. Thank you for you support and kind words. I am so thankful to have good people in my life. I can't wait for what year two has in store for us, it is going to be great. All My Love!!!
